So I've been promoting shamelessly the recently released ESV Study Bible, which I believe to be the best Bible ever produced. It's not the point of this post to tell you why, and I don't have time to do a proper review anyway. Besides, if I only posted things I could discuss well, I would never post. When our story picked up, I had bought two of them, neither for myself. So...
Completely unintentionally, I moved to a spot in New England roughly 45 minutes from the CBD warehouse. I actually don't know if it's THE warehouse, but that's just what we call 'round here. They have a sale three or so times a year where you can get some killer deals on Christian books and whatnot. I'm not interested in the whatnot, but cheap books make giggle...
I knew a sale was coming up, so I decided to attend with one purpose: Acquire myself an ESV Study Bible. Normally, you can get a genuine leather Bible for about $20, so that's what I expected to find. This is the overly drawn out tale of my journey and the fruits thereof.
The doors opened at 8, so I got there at 7:30, with 250 people in front of me. I felt bad about that until 8, when there were 1000 behind me...
I immediately rushed to the Bible section, finding about 75 others milling around. The eight tables full of Bibles were labeled by version, so I thought my job would be quick and easy. I immediately sought out the ESV section, but it took up only 2 feet, and my prey was nowhere in sight.
I was actually after another thing or two, so I found them and came back to get serious. Under every table, stacked two high, were boxes full of Bibles. For about an hour, I looked through every one of them. This was made more difficult than imaginable by the 250 people stuffed around the tables like a European soccer match (without the suffocation).
Do you know what happens when you put 250 Christians in a room made to hold 50? I'm sure it changes as time goes on, but if B.O. were water, I'd have drowned...
After my fruitless search in the Bible area, I decided to go to the scholastic area to look for a Greek NT I need. While standing in the mass, I noticed a guy next to me had what I was looking for in his hand. I smiled at him and said "Did you get that on the Bible table?" "Yes" he said. I smiled again and said "You lucky devil!"
This was not right thing to say...
He looked very offended and growled "First of all, there's no such thing as luck."
I tried to not look like anything and move away as quickly as possible. As my "luck", or should I say providence turned out, that wasn't very far in the subway-like atmosphere of stinky-Christian-bargainhunterville. So I resumed my search for anything that would let me never talk to that guy again.
No exaggeration, about two minutes later, I heard a voice in my ear- "And I'm not a Demon either..."
I just kept looking.
By this time I had been sweating to Steven Curtis Chapman for about two hours now, so it seemed time to pack it in and concede defeat. Things didn't really change for a while since all I could really do was turn the opposite direction and wait.
While trying to not pass out from the fumes, I noticed some warehouse gents with hand trucks wheeling out some more books. As "luck" would have it, they got stuck in traffic right next to me. I didn't have anything else to do, so I stole a peek into the box... Bibles! Could it be?
Top box, third book down, was an ESV Study Bible. I'd recognize that loveliness anywhere by now. So I told the dude with cart, "I need to follow you." He said "OK."
So with another change of directions, and a CBD lead blocker, Hand-truck Bill and stinky tired Kevin made our way over to a safe zone. It was there I met the love of my life: A black calf-skin ESV Study Bible. Retail- $158, CBD sale- $48.
Needless to say, I'm still trying to calm down.
Now when you look at the picture, you may be asking yourself: "What's that gold bar on the cover?" I'm glad you asked. It could either represent how much money I saved, or it could be the thing covering the engraving that they either messed up or had sent back, take your pick.
What can I say? I'm just one "Providential Son of the Most High", and my Daddy is good to me.